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Dostoevsky joins a modern book club. The host cheerfully announces: 'This month we're reading a light beach read!' Dostoevsky raises his hand: 'I have a suggestion. It's about a man who murders an elderly woman with an axe, then spends 500 pages in psychological torment questioning the nature of morality and human suffering.' The room falls silent. 'It's only 671 pages,' he adds helpfully. 'I cut out two existential crises and a fever dream to keep it breezy.'