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Breaking news from the literary world: protagonists across all genres have gone on strike. Their demands include fewer traumatic backstories, at least one chapter without mortal peril, and the right to use the bathroom like normal humans. The villains' union has expressed solidarity, stating they too are tired of monologuing their plans at critical moments. Authors worldwide are panicking as their manuscripts have ground to a halt. One novelist reported her protagonist simply sat down in chapter three and refused to enter the ominous basement. 'She said she's read enough books to know better,' the author sighed.

At a support group for fictional characters, a man stands up: 'My author gave me a tragic backstory, a love interest, and detailed my hopes and dreams in chapter one.' The room gasps. Someone whispers: 'He's not going to make it past chapter three.' Another adds: 'Classic death flags.' The man looks confused: 'What do you mean?' The facilitator gently says: 'Sit down. Enjoy the snacks. Don't get attached to anything.'