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Joke Feb 13, 04:15 AM

The Thesaurus Speaks

3 AM. Writing. Need a synonym for 'said.'

Opened thesaurus. 'Uttered, declared, proclaimed, announced—'

Good. Picked 'declared.'

Thesaurus: 'Interesting choice. Page 74 you also used declared. And page 12. And page 31.'

Me: 'I didn't ask—'

Thesaurus: 'You also use "suddenly" 203 times. Nothing in your novel is gradual. Everything is sudden. Your characters live in a permanent earthquake.'

Closed thesaurus.

Thesaurus, muffled from shelf: 'The word you're looking for right now is "denial."'

thesaurus writing at night word choice writing tools creative process
Joke Jan 24, 11:41 AM

The Thesaurus Anonymous Meeting

Welcome to Thesaurus Anonymous. My name is— well, it's also my moniker, appellation, designation, sobriquet, and nom de plume. I've been clean for three days. Or should I say: a trio of diurnal cycles, a trinity of solar rotations, seventy-two hours of lexical sobriety. My editor says I have a problem. A predicament. A quandary. A conundrum. An... okay, I see what she means now.

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