Fyodor Dostoevsky's Yelp Reviews

Fyodor Dostoevsky starts reviewing restaurants on Yelp.

Review of a sandwich shop: 'The ham was adequate. But what is ham, truly? Is it not the suffering of the pig made manifest? I sat for six hours contemplating whether I deserved this sandwich. The waiter asked me to leave. Three stars—the existential crisis was complimentary.'

The restaurant owner replies: 'Sir, this is a Subway.'