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An Oxford comma files for divorce. In court, the judge asks: 'What are your irreconcilable differences?'
The comma sighs: 'My spouse introduced me to their parents, the Queen of England and a professional wrestler. I've spent years trying to figure out if that's two people or four. The ambiguity is killing our relationship.'
The judge nods sympathetically: 'Case dismissed—I mean, case, dismissed.'
A passive voice construction finally went to therapy. 'I feel like I'm never the one doing anything,' it complained. 'Actions are always being done by me, but I'm never doing them myself. My self-esteem has been destroyed.' The therapist nodded thoughtfully. 'And how does that make you feel?' The passive voice sighed. 'Feelings are being felt by me, but honestly, I couldn't tell you which ones.'
A ghostwriter walks into a therapist's office. 'Doctor, I'm having an identity crisis. I've written 47 bestselling memoirs, but legally, I don't exist. I've lived as a retired general, a pop star, a disgraced politician, and a celebrity chef—all in the same year.' The therapist nods thoughtfully. 'And how does that make you feel?' The ghostwriter sighs: 'I honestly don't know anymore. I wrote my own diary last week, and even that was attributed to someone else.'
A mystery writer started seeing a therapist. After three sessions, the therapist said, 'I think I understand your childhood trauma now.' The writer nodded gravely, then added, 'But do you? Because everything I told you about my mother was actually about my father, my childhood dog was a metaphor for capitalism, and I've been dead the whole time.' The therapist sighed. 'This is why your health insurance dropped you, isn't it?' 'Plot twist,' the writer whispered, 'I AM the health insurance.'
An Oxford comma files for divorce. In court, the judge asks: 'What are your irreconcilable differences?' The comma sighs: 'My spouse introduced me to their parents, the Queen of England and a professional wrestler. I've spent years trying to figure out if that's two people or four. The ambiguity is killing our relationship.' The judge nods sympathetically: 'Case dismissed—I mean, case, dismissed.'
A passive voice construction finally went to therapy. 'I feel like I'm never the one doing anything,' it complained. 'Actions are always being done by me, but I'm never doing them myself. My self-esteem has been destroyed.' The therapist nodded thoughtfully. 'And how does that make you feel?' The passive voice sighed. 'Feelings are being felt by me, but honestly, I couldn't tell you which ones.'
A ghostwriter walks into a therapist's office. 'Doctor, I'm having an identity crisis. I've written 47 bestselling memoirs, but legally, I don't exist. I've lived as a retired general, a pop star, a disgraced politician, and a celebrity chef—all in the same year.' The therapist nods thoughtfully. 'And how does that make you feel?' The ghostwriter sighs: 'I honestly don't know anymore. I wrote my own diary last week, and even that was attributed to someone else.'
A mystery writer started seeing a therapist. After three sessions, the therapist said, 'I think I understand your childhood trauma now.' The writer nodded gravely, then added, 'But do you? Because everything I told you about my mother was actually about my father, my childhood dog was a metaphor for capitalism, and I've been dead the whole time.' The therapist sighed. 'This is why your health insurance dropped you, isn't it?' 'Plot twist,' the writer whispered, 'I AM the health insurance.'
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